What About Father’s Day

This week I started getting ads from the various retail outlets that have my email address.  They are all pushing those Father Day gift ideas.  I’m not sure why they’re sending them to me.  I know what I would like for Father’s Day and I would think in the day and age where so much personal information is collected by retailers and marketers that they would be able to provide more targeted email advertisements.

Bed, Bath & Beyond Father's Day ad

Bed, Bath & Beyond Father’s Day ad


I got this ad from Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Before you say anything or think worse about me…yes I actually do love this store.  I love the cooking section, the gadgets and gizmos they have.  It’s almost always overpriced, but I usually find an item or two on any given visit.  However…and I’m talking to you directly Bed, Bath and Beyond…this is not a Father’s Day store.  I applaud you for trying.  I really do.  You hit all the stereotypes (except ties)…grilling, golf and alcohol.  Though with this ad I also wonder what society thinks of dads.

Still, this is not a store where I would want a Father’s Day gift from.  Nice try…but that grill it’s not what any true Bar-B-Que’r would be able to do much with.  The “as-seen-on-TV” workout equipment next to the beer chugging accessories is a nice touch, though I’m not sure you could realistically expect to sell any of those together.

Not to get even more stereotypical, but where would you go for Father’s Day.  How about Lowes?  Yep a hardware store.  Better yet, take that Father in your life into the store and you will find that even the least ‘manly’ of men will find something.  This leads me to suspect they put something in the air.  Once I get out of any hardware store it takes a few breaths of fresh air to come back to my senses and realize that I don’t need or can’t use much of what’s on display.  Take tonight, I went in for a part to fix the bathroom sink (that I fixed a few weeks ago, but apparently didn’t fix well enough to keep it from breaking again).  One part.  One mission.  And then the testosterone-infused air got to me.  Maybe it was smell of sawdust that ignites that primal “I can do that”  attitude.  Perhaps it’s the fact that these are grown up toys that brings out the little boy “I want one” mentality.  Either way, way to go Lowes.  I mean take look at this…when someone has put a display up like this it would be wrong not to stop and look.

Do I have it? I need it.

Do I have it? I need it.

Or maybe this one?

lowes1I had to stop and look.  A miniature took chest…already stocked with the essential tools for any around the house job.  Plus, for a limited time only…just be cause we care about you deal…it’s $50 off.  Forget the fact that I’ve never seen this item in the store before to know whether it was actually $99…I have to have it.  Or what about the big tool bags.  It’s like you’re buying a great tool organizer and getting free tools all at once.  What could possibly be wrong with that?

Deep breath…wife, daughters at home…dinner cooking…must get in and get out.

Oooh wait…the tool chest has a locking mechanism to keep the kids out, that would be handy.

Shake it off Phil…you have a job to do.

I was able to abstain and took a different path back to the registers just for safety.  Ok that was a lie.  I took a different path out to see what other displays they had up.

When I got to the register I was glad I didn’t pick up one of these wonderfully packaged, though probably unnecessary items.  In the next line over was the clearly very annoyed wife of another man.  This lady wasn’t even trying to hide her displeasure with being in a hardware store.  Her husband was checking out and trying to decide how much of an outside item to purchase.  I guess he’s lived with this woman long enough to be somewhat immune to her death-ray glare, but for the rest of us men in the store we felt it.  In fact, I probably felt her “what are you doing bringing me here” vibe earlier and that’s what kept me from making the unnecessary purchases.  Standing in the line over I even almost felt the need to go to her and explain why I had taken so long and apologize for not getting out quicker.  She wasn’t messing around.  She had the death glare, the arms crossed, the lean back and the head tilt.  I felt bad for the man…he was just trying to pay the cashier and was about to turn around and get all that head on.  Glad he was picking up stuff for an outdoor project because I know if I got all that from Keiana, I would be making good friends with the puppy and sleeping outside.

On the drive home I escaped the “You’re a jerk” gravity pulse of the woman and managed to breath some fresh air and realize I didn’t need any of those tools, but kudos for an impulse buy display.

Then I drove by ACE Hardware and thought, you know what would be a good Father’s Day gift…an air compressor with free nail gun.